Bali - Day 2

We finally arrived in Bali. I’m looking forward to teleportation. When we got off the plane and walked towards the exit we were greeted by a few strange sights:

1. Exit signs that warned us we would be killed if we had drugs in our possession. This struck me as a bit harsh, but probably very effective. I was glad I had left all my drugs in Singapore.




2. The last leg out of the airport is a long hall. It feels like more of a gauntlet. As you walk down the hall there is a money-changer (literally) which each step you take. Tiny little rooms, right on top of each other one after another. There had to be at least 20 in about as many yards. Each one proclaiming the best rates ever. I imagine it must be pretty stiff competition and I can’t make sense out of how they could all think it was a smart business plan.

3. As you leave the airport you are again bombarded by a hoard of “taksi” people. This is how they spell and say taxi in Bali. Not sure why. They all want to take you somewhere and swarm you as you walk out. We were jet-lagged, confused by our new money and overwhelmed in general. We agreed to a taksi to our hotel which was about 25-30 minutes from the airport for the low, low price of 90,000 rupiah. This sounds like a fortune, but turns out it’s only 9 bucks. Which you have to agree is quite reasonable for that length of ride.

We had 3 people pulling our bags to the taksi, and one driver. Amazingly helpful these Balinese blokes. We heard you didn’t tip in Bali, so we were quietly debating whether to tip our driver or not when we reached the car. The 3 baggage handlers dropped our bags and walked over with hands extended demanding a tip. This confused us, our money confused us and we floundering-ly handed over 10,000 rupiahs. Which we thought sounded like an awful lot. The guy looked disgusted and said, “This is just cents.” Elizabeth misunderstood and said, “Oh, is it too much?” Uh, no. Another look of disgust and I handed him 100,000 or $10 to be split between them. Honestly though, does it seem right that a 30 minute taksi ride and a tip for carrying our bags across the street should be the same amount?

Arriving at the Conrad was bliss. It was simply gorgeous. It was a bit strange to get stopped at the gate and have the taksi hood and trunk searched before we could get on the property, but we were reminded of the terrorist bombings a few years ago. Apparently it’s standard protocol now which is kind of sad.



We were so happy to be at the hotel, and got there just in time to see some traditional Balinese dancers perform over the balcony. The grounds were amazing, the service was first class and the bed was just what the doctor ordered.

Day 1.5? - Singapore

(Singapore Airport)

The Singapore airport is probably better than Disneyland. Especially if you are a travel-wearied body like myself. The airport is like a small city that goes just about 24-7 and has a free movie theater, massage chairs for free and massages for 20 dollars, magnificent shopping, a koi and orchid pond, and best of all Pods.

Pods you ask? That's right and not Invasion of the Body Snatcher type pods either. It's a mini-hotel in the airport where you can rent a "pod" or tiny little room by the hour, and for about 5 bucks an hour. We got ourselves a six hour block of a tri-pod (ha, ha. HA!) for around 70 smackers. You can see modeled here the awesome first class pj outfits mentioned in the previous blog. (Well, you will when I post them in a week.) I look like Tim Duncan in this picture, which may strike you as odd, but the Singapore air caused a really strange growth spurt. Midgets all-- I beckon you to sunny Singapore.


Right before we landed I asked our flight attendant what he usually does here. He said, and I quote, "In the daytime I chill out, and in the night time I freak out." Interesting. And perhaps a bit disturbing depending on how he defines "freak out."

We took a 6 hour nap (well 2 after laying awake for 4), and then got up to wander around the airport, munch on some breakfast pizza and enjoyed some lovely (and cheap) massages and manicures. I also had THE best smoothie. EVER. It was fresh squeezed orange juice, tart yoghurt, and ice, and maybe something else but it was OH..yes...delicious. I crave it now.



I think the best discovery in Singapore was the hole in the floor toilets. Gina and I went in to the public restroom, entered our stall and discovered this:



That's right, a hole in the ground which you squat over, trying not to soil your clothing and do your business. I was not comfortable, but it did give me extra incentive to master yoga in Bali for added flexibility on my flight back.

The people here are delightfully friendly. Smiles all the time and friendly, friendly, friendly.

We went in to the city for a few hours before we had to catch our flight and tooled around little India, where we rediscovered the meaning of the word HUMIDITY, and the words Back Sweat, as well as the smell of Incense. It was a veritable feast for the senses. Yuck.





We grew hot sweaty and tired, and after a look at this temple and some little shops headed to cooler ground...


...Raffles Hotel.


It was built by the Brittish founder and it was gorgeous. And cool as in cold. It was like what I imagine old colonial architecture in India looks like. Beautiful. We had a feast of Indian food with some comical waiters who competed for our attention by trying to beat each other at pulling out our chairs and bringing us special treats. They were very entertaining and we were sad to say goodbye to them...and the attention.



And so we returned to the airport and to yet another flight...off to our final adventure. BALI.

Day 1- In Flight

I'm having major December Dejavu. 12 hours to Tokyo, 6 hours to Singapore and then of course a few more tomorrow to get to Bali.

I have lost all concept of date and time. I'm not complaining because I did upgrade to first which means a constant stream of food from accomodating Malaysian flight attendants who practically do the chewing for you with their marvelous service, and several lovely pairs of slippers and gi-normous black track suit pjs. Oh--and a bottle of perfume. ?? Guess 18 hours of travel doesn't do anyone any favors in the smell department. So yeah, life is good, I just have no concept of where I am in space or time. Guess this is how Sawyer and the ghost-whisperer guy feel all the time. No nose bleeds yet.

Bali: Day -1

For the past 3 days I've been sick. I'll spare the gruesome details, but simply say that the bathroom is my friend.

I flew to Los Angeles on Tuesday for a meeting with Gina before she, Elizabeth and I left for Bali and our surf goddess adventure. My stomach was still causing trouble that made me a bit concerned about leaving the country for Indonesia with the idea that I might not want to be at the mercy of their not-so-modern medicine. I decided to run in to urgent care and gain peace of mind that all would be well for my adventure.

I waited 2 hours. 2 HOURS. It's a long time, but friends I must tell you...it was worth the wait! The words "The Dr. will see you now" will forever be changed now to surface feelings of both excitement and terror. This Dr., when he finally appeared was straight out of Grey's Anatomy and was certainly in the McDreamy category. And nice. And clever. And adorable in those little green scrubs.

Meet me. Wearing a nasty paper gown gaping at the back to exhibit my, well, let's not even discuss the underwear situation, but let's do talk about hairy wintertime legs, a big, BIG blister on my toe, and a greasy, not so done up face. Oh and the extra special wintertime muffin top hanging over the nasty underthings. And all this prefaces my first statement, "I have a diaharea problem." Sorry, but it had to be said.

In an attempt at recovery (and distraction) I said, "You know, I think we'd be on more equal ground here if you put on one of these paper gowns too." He agreed that was true, but didn't think it would inspire the appropriate level of confidence in his other patients. Touche.

We proceeded to discuss my unfortunate medical condition whilst I tried to camouflage my big old nasty blister by covering my right foot with my left foot. When he told me to lie down, that pose got really awkward. Try laying down gracefully while still covering one foot with the other. It only served the purpose of drawing ALL attention to said nasty blister. And of course with me laying like a pretzel it made examination difficult and he was forced to say, "Uh...can you please spread your legs apart a little." Which in turn made him almost as uncomfortable as me.

He felt my bloated, protruding, gaseous belly which clearly another huge selling point in my favor and then took my temperature and started to move to diagnosis. It was gastro-something or other, and I had a mild fever so to be on the safe side he suggested a....

...no...please..no....

RECTAL EXAM.

ME: Huh? What?

Him: I'll tell you how it works...

ME: uhhh...how...uh (Like I don't know how it works!)

Him: (nervously) I just scrape out a little bit to check for blood, and uh..I'm a doctor...and...

Me: Absolutely not.

Him: It's a safety measure with you leaving the country...

Me: No. Nope, no way.

Him: You know I'm a doctor, right?

Me: Yup. Sticking with no.

It was pretty awkward on both sides, and I've never told a doctor no before, but seriously? Seriously? No. I would rather die a slow painful death in Bali than let him examine my rectal-regions at that point. A girl has to have some dignity...and well, whatever. You get it - no hot man your age and not wearing a wedding ring should ever be allowed to give you a rectal examine on your first encounter. Period.

He gave me drugs. He gave me his card. And from now on, I will NEVER go to a doctor's office w/o taking a shower, covering all nasty blisters, and wearing more appropriate personal attire....no matter how close I am to death. So let it be written, so let it be done.

Some recognition please

I have an important question: Do you know who invented the microwave?? I bet you don't. Cause I don't, and not that you're not smarter than me, but I'm just sayin' I don't think you do. So here's my point. I bet all of you know who invented airplanes. The Wright brothers, right? Wright. (ha, ha.....ha.)

Anyway, is flying ANY bit more important than the microwave? Do you fly every day? Well how many times a day do you use your microwave? As I was heating up a delicious meal yesterday afternoon in...TWO MINUTES...I suddenly felt a lot of love for that man or woman and it struck me that they deserved some recognition. I mean how much time do we save cooking? Have you ever tried to live even one full day without a microwave? Bet you can't. I can't.

The man's name is Perry Spencer. And Perry Spencer, today I salute you. Bravo for ensuring I can eat when I'm hungry and not 30 minutes later.

While I'm on the subject, I suggest we make March Madness (the first Thursday and Friday) a national holiday. Shawn, my brother, seems to think this sends a bad or wrong message, but I'm telling you productivity at work has GOT to be its lowest on these two days. In fact, here's some quotes from an article I read:

"It's tough to tell how "March Madness" affects workplace productivity. Employment consulting firm Challenger Gray & Christmas has made varying estimates since 2002. Last year, it said that NCAA-watching could cost employers as much as $1.7 billion in wasted time."

Why not just let everyone take it off and save some money? You can have back President's Day, I don't really know what to do with that one anyway.

I thought it was also funny that if you watch it online at work there is a "boss button" you can click to make sure that if your manager walks up the games disappear and a spreadsheet comes up. Here's some stats on that:

"And in reference to the discussion yesterday about productivity and March Madness, there's this: The "Boss Button," which hides the video player with a spreadsheet, was clicked 1.5 million times yesterday compared with 2.5 million times for the whole tournament in 2008."

Sadly, Michigan lost in the second round, but they put up a good fight and I was proud of the way they showed up this year. Next year should be awesome baby as Dick Vitale would say.

Happy March Madness one and all---and please take a minute or two today to stop and think about the man who brought you the microwave.

Married to your Work

I had an interesting thought about marriage this weekend. And the phrase "You're married to your work." This is always tossed out in a negative context. And I even view it in a negative context....

..BUT...

Here's the interesting thing. If you're not married to anyone or anything else, why not be married to your work? The big hangup whenever I hear it used is that it "won't keep you warm at night."

Well guess what people. I have news for you. I do work at night and on the weekends and even from my sick bed this weekend and what I have discovered is this: When you sleep with your computer it can keep you warm at night. Sometimes even warmer than another body. So I would disagree and say, my career CAN keep me warm at night.

The danger of course is when you do what Ed did and roll over your computer and squash it in half. Luckily he's married to a person too, so he has a backup plan. I must be very cautious not to do the same as I am monogamous.

The Horrid Bouquet Toss

This weekend I attended the wedding of a good friend and roommate from my time in DC. It was beautiful and after a long, hard road for them it was really touching to see them so happy and at peace with their decision. It made me very happy.

The reception was a different story. I think what I witnessed there is a great metaphor for the spinster's situation at this time of life.

All of you are familiar with the awesome tossing of the bouquet tradition and the throwing of the garter. I'm sure some of you have been the victim of, or witnessed the victimization of the poor girl who is the lone single survivor of her friends--forced to stand alone in the circle while the bouquet is directly thrown to her amidst laughter and not so witty banter. Humiliating? Yes.

I fully expected that to be the case this time, but not so. I think I have now graduated beyond being the last single woman standing to an even worse fate. At this reception we actually had about 20 women giddily grouped, arms outstretched in desperation to catch the bouquet. The tables turned when they called for the single men...there were 3. And one was 13. And another was 60.

As I watched the spectacle, at first I felt pity for that poor gentleman who was not the center of all the hooting and hollering, and then my pity shifted back to it's appropriate focus - me. 20 women. 1 man. You do the math.

Molly: A Lesson in Love

One last thought about The Bachelor and then I SWEAR it's over.

On Friday, Jason and Molly made their first appearance on Ellen, who grilled them as they deserved to be grilled. I have to admit that I've been heaping all of the blame and disgust on Jason, because I really liked Molly during the show, and well, Jason did make all the poor decisions.

However.

However, on Ellen Molly said something that I was so totally annoyed with, I've been rolling it around in my head for 24 hours. In response to Ellen's question about if Jason did the right thing and how she felt about Melissa, Molly said, "He is standing up for what is best for him. I think if there is any time to be selfish, it's when love is involved."

SERIOUSLY??

Let me play that back. If there is any time to be SELFISH, it's when LOVE is involved? Does that even make sense. I misguidedly thought if there's anytime to be unselfish it's when love is involved. Oh the confusion.

Sorry, but that comment on it's own is enough reason to stay on Team Melissa. I mean try a little unselfishness and see if that helps in the decision making process or longevity of your relationship(s).

Jimmy Tells All

My good friend Amy has brought some new information to my attention. Apparently Jason gave away some info that Melissa was aware of what was happening before it happened, which suggests at least part of it was staged. You can see this on Jimmy Kimmel:

http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2009/03/bachelor-jason.html

At the very least, you should watch Jimmy skewer him a bit---it's rather hilarious.

Frankly, I still think Molly had no idea, and Melissa's reaction was genuine and that while she knew it was ending she did not know about Jason.

To be fair, Jason did HAVE to do it publicly because he had a contract. But then again, he did make that choice, didn't he?

Victims Of Love

Well The Bachelor done did it now. Look at all you people clamoring for a blog, and you know who you are posting on fb and sending me emails. Yes you do. Which leads me to believe that the show has FINALLY achieved what it promises every show, every year. We have finally witnessed the MOST DRAMATIC ROSE CEREMONY EVER.

For those of you who somehow found better things to do with your time than witness what Chris (the host) himself called "a historic journey", here's the quick 411. Jason and his chosen woman (Melissa) hit a rough patch during the 6 weeks between wrap and this show. Jason suddenly realizes that all along he REALLY wanted Molly, the woman he cast aside for Melissa. So...in an unprecedented, and apparently historical step for this show, Jason comes on without a studio audience and DUMPS Melissa on live TV. Because he has feelings for Molly. Melissa handles it gracefully, although she did get in one jab that I think we all agreed with, "You're a b$#@tard." Yes, yes he is. HUGE kudos to Melissa for the most graceful exit in Bachelor history. I assure you I would have been inflicting alternating physical and emotional abuse on his sorry, sorry self while shouting, "Show me the tears now you drama queen!!"

Molly joins him next and Jason informs her that he made a mistake (uh-huh, a mistake) and he wishes he had kept her instead of Melissa. Will she take him back? Molly looks properly stunned and thinks it may be the cruelest joke ever played, until she realizes by looking at Jason's pathetic face that it really is in fact serious. Lots of uncomfortable laughter. Uncomfortable silence. And then...she. takes. him. back. Oh, Molly.

OK. I don't blame her. I understand her choice on two levels. One, vindication on national television. I'm not a reject! Two, It's sort of the dream every girl has when she's dumped right? Pathetic, but true. One day he'll realize he made a mistake and I was the best thing he ever had and he'll come back to tell me so. Yeah. Molly got what every girl wants. Making me question why we all want that. Pathetic? Yeah.

Molly should proceed with caution. He left? There's probably a reason. In Molly's case, how many of us will be surprised when Jason shows up bawling on the TV in another month and is quite certain it was Jillian he should have never left? Not I. But Jillian, Run. Run like the wind.

Is there anyone else who thinks he may be the most fragile and emotionally confused guy EVER? I mean, I think the amount and drama of his tears in 3 months of filming put Tammy Baker to shame.

And now I'm going to say something that may be crossing the line, but it must be said. How 'bout that kid? Did anyone else think little Ty might be a little...odd? But let's be fair - dad is probably confusing the heck out of him, and even Ty was shocked when they were reunited in New Zealand and he saw his dad running towards him sobbing like he had been shipwrecked on an island for 3 years and they were just being reunited. This isn't Lost, and until you live what poor little Walt lived through, try a less dramatic approach. I bet every week Ty's thinking, "Can't wait to see dad - this week it will be the most dramatic reunion EVER!" While Jason was Mauling Ty, you could hear his little voice asking, "Why you crying dad?" That's a question we'd all like answered. My brother Shawn has been in London for two weeks-- I can't imagine the kind of dramatic reunion I'll witness with his kids after that. Believe me, I'll be bringing the popcorn and snagging a front row seat.

I could go on for hours, but I won't. I'd like to hear what you have to say. I will end with this though. Deanna. What a letdown. It was so obvious that she really didn't care if she got him back and was just looking for one last shot at seeing her face on color TV. Besides the fact that her horrible outfit left me pining even more for a dash of Jillian's good taste, I expected more drama from her.

And that's where I thought the show was headed when Jason dumped Melissa. In my ideal world, after he dumped Melissa, he would have asked Molly to take him back and she would have brought it full circle by doing to him what he did to Deanna. Saying I'll pass. Then what you ask? The two lamest people to ever grace the bachelor---the two most drama-rama, attention loving fools could have cried their lives away together forever--Deanna and Jason finally end up together.

Victims of love, in love. Now that's Reality.