We can be.. Together Forever Someday

It was brought to my attention by Kris Hansen (one of my most loyal subjects - I mean readers) that I haven't been updating my love life. I want to remedy this travesty, but first I need to deal with Gary. Again. My dear and good (and certainly "special") friend Gary thinks that the purpose of this blog is to verbalize why no man is good enough for me. That simply isn't true. Well, it IS true that no man is good enough, but it's NOT true that is the purpose of this blog. Since he has no doubt been working 800 hours a week as a Rooter-ooski he probably just doesn't understand the content without the dreaded learning objectives. So for Gary's sake, after you have completed all the posts on this blog you will be able to:

1. understand and share the joy of my life with the world.
2. laugh heartily at least once but probably more.
3. explain the difference between Russia and the Ukraine
4. discuss why there are so many loony single men out there (most of which are more than good enough for me to date.) and what their problems are.

There. I hope that helps. Now let's dive into learning objective 4. I had a date last night. He appeared to be normal and nice and I even daresay dashingly handsome. After scrabble and playa, and player romantic dating dabbles though I have tried to set my expectations pretty low. Turns out that can be a good thing. (Just like when you think a movie is going to suck, but you go anyway and then you're pleasantly surprised. Get it?)

Our event for the evening was going to be a trip to the finest theater Provo had to offer. The Forgotten Carols. Scoff if you will, but I LOVE this story and the music. I know 88.8% of you think it's pure cheese, but remember what Fez says, "The cheese in the mousetrap is never free." Ok, that didn't apply here at all, but I've been looking for a good excuse to plug it back in cause it's so freaking awesome! I digress. So, it might be cheesy - but - I like it.

We go to the show and neither of us has seen the live production. Turns out at the end of the show Michael McLean goes a little nutty and does some improv. This is where it gets REALLY cheesy. First we all have to hum silent night and he sings this song "arise" and we all have to, well, arise. THEN...yes, THEN he pulls this little trick I wasn't ready for. He starts singing that good old Mormon missionary video song "We can be together forever someday." You know, the whole families are forever deal. This isn't it though. He makes everyone in the audience "Link up" (which is a little eerie since we met on linkup--do you think he knew? Maybe it WAS fate.) and hold hands or link arms and while you are linked to your very awkward first date dude that you're not sure if you should be touching, you are supposed to sing with him WE CAN BE TOGETHER FOREVER!!!!!! Are you freaking kidding me?? You can't make this stuff up people. It's sick. I just feel really uncomfortable because frankly, I'm not sure that's a promise I can keep to this guy. I hope I can, I really do, but chance are (Gary help me out) he's just not good enough for me.

So on "the real" (as Travis would say) it actually was a fun date and there is some potential...maybe. There's some oddness, but I'm fairly certain that you aren't going to find a 38 year old man who's never been married (or who has been for that matter) without some oddness. Let the games begin. Or continue.

Gary Loves Delsa

For those of you who aren't in the know, Gary Magenta is the Vice President of Sales and Marketing (I think--I don't really follow our org. structure that closely) at Root Learning. He also lives in Ann Arbor and has been kind enough to allow our family to break bread with him many times. He also has what I will loosely call an obsession with my mother. Delsa. I agree she is a lovely lady who has really stood the test of time, but I mean, it's my mother. I just don't know how many more times I can hear "Shauri's mother is SO hot." Especially when it is followed by, "Much better than Shauri." Seriously. Anyway, for those of you who don't check the comments, here is the latest online drooling he posted in response to my blog on Ed's "issues". I mean what do the two even have in common? Is the man obsessed? I leave it to you:

Gary: "I am truly stumped! How can we spend so much time talking about this gout ridden Neanderthal when we could be talking about how Delsa is the best looking grandma on six continents? Ed, no disrespect to you or your “ailment” but I want to help attract people to Shauri’s blog (aka here daily log about why no man deserves her), not prompt people to click over to web MD. Please see a medical doctor; I am not sure this type of group therapy is going to help you heal."

You'll see how he slid in the whole "Delsa is hot and Shauri is not" in new, cleverly disguised words. I guess it's time for a new vote...see top left.

It's beginning to look...

...a LOT like Christmas.
We got dumped on here in Provo yesterday which should make skiers across the world happy. It is truly a winter wonderland, and I have to say that while I am NOT a fan of winter, cold or wearing 10 layers of clothes, there is something magical about that first big dump. Especially at Christmas time. Garrett and Travis are singing carols (well the one or two lines of them they know- bob-style.) and all is merry and bright.

The downside of the snowfall was getting to the Flash game last night. Roads were treacherous and I think it kept away a good portion of the crowd. There still appeared to be about 1500 -2000 in attendance, but not the big weekend crowd they were hoping for.

The other big problem the snow caused was a leak in the roof. On to the court. We thought everything would be canceled, but apparently that was never an option. We watched as building employees stood by the dripping bucket watching drips and hoping for a Christmas miracle. Honestly, I never saw anyone actually do anything to solve the problem, so I think it must have eventually been a miracle that saved the day and kept Brandt's head from exploding. The funniest thing to me was watching men in vests stand by the bucket with heads up-turned to watch the drips and their wrists up. Why were their wrists up? Why, to time the drips of course. They kept me posted as we moved from 5 seconds to 20 seconds between drips. It seemed like a very helpful and relevant task.

Danny Ainge was in attendance, and I have to say meeting him was a disappointment. I think I built it up too big in my head. I mean, in High School I did make cupcakes every year at playoff time that I decorated in white and green frosting with the numbers of all the players on the Celtics team, so I kind of thought meeting him was this small dream come true. When I introduced myself, I must have interrupted something because he seemed slightly put out that I was talking to him and laughed a somewhat scoffing laugh when I told him I was hoping to do a more formal sit-down interview with him later in the year. Maybe this was in my head, but I will tell you--I wish that when he bit Tree Rollins back in the 80's that Tree had taken care of the little squirt then and there. At least I have interview footage of him from the night before that I can edit to make him say anything I want.

So sometimes dreams come true, sometimes they don't, and sometimes they're just not what you always imagined. Luckily my dream of living in Provo with Travis and Garrett did come true and is all that I ever dreamed. Who needs Danny Ainge anyway?

Rootsters Please Read : Vote For Ed

Some of you may remember my "ED has Gout" blog. If you read it, you'll remember a guy with what could be perceived as pretty nasty foot disease, but also with a big tender heart who loves Little Women. The book people, not midget ladies. (He may like those too, but it's not my business.) This blog can be enjoyed by all, but is primarily dedicated to my "co-worker - subscribers" because Ed has a need. Maybe more, but there's only room in this blog for one. Here it is: Ed needs to be fun.

Last May I won the prestigious "Fun Award" at one of our Root-tastic events which was obviously well-deserved although I DO try to be modest about it. Ever since that day, and without fail, whenever Ed and I talk he makes a comment like, "Oh, well I guess that's why you won the fun award." OR "That makes sense since you won the fun award." You get the idea. He's bitterly jealous. He CRAVES the fun award, much like my brother Ryan when he was 5, "Craved Adventure." ("Mr. Thompson, I CRAVE adventure." It's a classic Quinn story.) Sadly, he hasn't received this award, so I make a plea to you, the voting public...GIVE HIM THE AWARD. I'd like to say this plea is for his benefit, but it's really for mine. I just want him to shut his yapper.

So here are some of the reasons why Ed deserves the award. All of which came from our conversation last night on the phone. (Where yes, he did bring up my award again.)

1. I discovered that Ed isn't as smart as I thought he was. And I said so. He thought this meant he changed from being smart, but I was forced to tell him it was more about me than him. I just didn't GET it before. His reply, "You know the smart thing is all I have going for me." Not anymore, so let's let him be fun. Frankly, if he's not that smart he deserves the Fun award. Look at the history of recipients: Me, Maria, Gary, Mark, Tricia, Jeff, Jason C must have been in the mix...Look, these are historically un-smart people. Ed's primed.

2. He's street smart. He was tossing out words on our call like hoodlum. But in much fancier ways than you or I might say them. His pronunciation: WHO-dlum. (he suggested I could phonetically spell this whoo-dlum, which to me is again an indicator of his intelligence and ability to think outside the box - why two o's in who? how clever!) I assured him it was hud-lum (with that fancy double dot over the u) and he replied, "Really, well then how would you say h-o-o-d?" Well my fun friend, it certainly would NOT be whoo-d. But people--how FUN is that?

3. Now this last one is fun. He's emotive. Just ask him to pretend he's fat Albert (his middle name) and to say "Hey, Hey, Hey..." If you want fun--put on your seat belt cause you're in for a wild ride down the boulevard of FUN!

That's it. There are so many more reasons, and I'm sure he'll continue the campaign, but for my sake, I beg of you...don't vote your conscience this year. Just vote for Ed.

My Dream Wedding...Dance

A friend just passed on this link and it is way too irresistible to resist posting it. Please enjoy and should the blessed event ever happen for me, I just want you to know what you can look forward to.

http://www.glumbert.com/media/weddingfirstdance

The Flash Lose

It was too good to be true---2 games in a row, well it was time to end that robust streak.

I have to say, the Flash are doing a MUCH better job of managing and operating their team than any other team in the league I've seen. There was literally no more than 35-50 people in that Anaheim arena tonight. It was dead silent at times. Bizarre. When you compare it to 3,000 at Utah and all rowdy, obnoxious fans, it's a pretty stark difference. Which makes for an interesting angle in the documentary -- what it takes to get fans and how that impacts the players.

I tried to interview Gabe Pruitt's dad (the Celtic player) at the game, but he wasn't having it. Apparently he was too busy trying to get Brandt to go down to the locker room and give his son messages about changing his sneakers to the right brand. Of course Brandt was NOT having that, so he told daddy-o, "I'm not a messenger boy, I'm the owner of this team." Hello, and check-mate. Gabe's not winning any points with dad's help.

The exciting news is that Danny Ainge is slated to come out to Fri/Sat's games this week to watch his players and I'm planning to grab some time to both interview him and tell him about the Celtic parties I used to throw where I decorated cupcakes in green and white with each player's number. I think he can't fail to be impressed by that.

I did forget to mention why I suck at driving in my last blog. That is because I was trying to straighten my car in Travis and Garrett's garage and I accidentally ran in to the metal thing-y that makes the door go up and down. Garrett and I were frantically trying to fix it before Travis got home, cause we knew once he saw the damage we would be spanked and grounded for life. Sadly, we were just one last blow away with the wrench to fixing it when Travis pulled in. He was very, very disappointed in us and even though we fixed it, I'm not sure if he will ever be able to look at me the same. I tried to explain that it's not my fault, I just suck at driving and it's so great that I can own that....he didn't get it. It was like I was talking to a rock. I thought it was a great explanation. Anyway, big thanks to garrett for using a wrench to weld the door thing-y back together. I think we found his career...

I suck at bowling. And driving.

But at least I'm willing to admit it, which I think is really commendable.

Yesterday was Garrett's birthday, and I am sad to say that I had completely forgotten (which everyone knows isn't like me) until he came over the night before and reminded me. Which I'm really glad he did.

So last night we got a group of party-people together and took him out to dinner, followed by cake and a sweet night of bowling. A Provo-show stopper you might say. I mean, we took every single thing you CAN do in Provo and put them in to one night of joy for our birthday boy.

I've always suspected I sucked at bowling, but it wasn't until after the first game when people were complaining about their scores of 150 and 170 that I glanced up to see my blazing 61 and thought, "wow. you're bad. and not in the good way." So hey, that's a lesson learned. We can't all be good at everything, and frankly I'm pretty busy right now being good at blogging and wearing twinner dresses better than other girls. I doubt if US magazine has ever had such a run-away winner. Hello- I'm beating the other girls by over 90%!! So, thanks for your support people. Honestly, I'm sure you were all voting authentically and not just trying to make me feel good. Right?

So back to Garrett. If you're reading this Garrett, and I'm sure you are after yesterday's comment of, "This bad internet connection is really killing my blogging" or something like that, I want you to know that I hope you had your best birthday yet. I was thinking about your complaint yesterday that it is very rude how all those people make jokes to you about never leaving the house, and I agree. So I've come up with a very special birthday present for you. It's the top five (ten is really, really hard) comebacks to their silly, stupid comment "You never leave the house.":

5. That's because I'm trying to break a world record here which requires great determination and willpower. Something you obviously know nothing about.

4. So?
(I like this one. It's simple, elegant, and hard to come back to.)

3. I know. Because when I do leave, I meet up with more stupid people - like you.

2. I accomplish more in one hour of not leaving this house than you do in six days of not leaving it. I mean, if you didn't...you know, leave it either. (The aim of this one is to just completely confuse them and leave them speechless. Turn and walk away.)

1. Pull a Chris McKay on them and say, "If you say that to me one more time I will knife you in your neck."
(Chris is a friend who got in the car for dinner last night and told us that he was going to "knife his ex-girlfriend in the neck if she showed up tonight.")

So, that's it. I hope this is the best birthday gift money couldn't buy. To my favorite youngest brother who never leaves the house, but does it on his own terms.

Heather got married yesterday and it was beautiful event. We noticed that they divided tables up by maturity level and ours was on the lower end of that scale. (We were trying to make ourselves feel better by saying we were the "fun table" but let's call a spade a spade.) Later that night Wallace asked Jamie and I if we thought she would be mature when she was 40. I reminded her it was only 4 years off, so chances weren't good.

Many of the wedding peeps requested copies of the pics I took, so I'm throwing up this little slideshow for your viewing pleasure. If you see one or two or eight you want, let me know and I'll be happy to send them your way!

Heather's Wedding

Who Wore it Best?

For those of you who read (or will admit to reading) US magazine, this title will require no explanation. For those of you who don't, here's the quick-ee rundown. US magazine finds women who are wearing the same outfit, snaps a pic, and then posts them together in the magazine asking the fans, "Who wore it best?" It's aswesome because it takes a situation where a woman is already embarassed or uncomfortable because she's wearing the same outfit as someone else, and then finds a deliciously evil way to make her feel even more self-conscious. Hey, take a look at this other woman wearing the same outfit and wonder if everyone thinks she looks BETTER than you in your twinner outfit.

Here's a link to the real one if you want to see how it works:
http://usmagazine.com/who_wore_it_best?id=63

So last night was Heather Fortuna's wedding. All was happily sailing along until Wallace leaned over to me and said, "That girl is wearing the SAME outfit as you!" But it got worse, this girl's BFF walked by after her and was wearing another twinner dress! Wallace and Jamie were cracking up and thinking it was embarassing for me, but they have no idea of the power of the blog and how it has liberated me. I embraced the US magazine tradition on its face and said, "This is great! New blog material! Come on and take a picture of me with these girls so I can post it and find out who you the readers think "Wore it Best."

I got Jamie to come with me and round up the girls for a photo, and it was hilarious because once people saw us together posing for Jamie a big crowd gathered around and soon EVERYONE was taking pictures. Everyone loves Twins...or Triplets in this case. The lesson people? An embarassing moment handled confidently can become a celebrity moment. Just make sure it's not a Britney moment.

So now it's your turn to speak. Who wore it best? (Vote at top left of page)