Today at church a woman was visiting from Utah that is my mother's age. We started talking in the hallway and she stopped and said, "You are an enigma to me." I wasn't sure how to respond-- is that a compliment?
I waited, and she continued. "I have been talking about you to a lot of people" (scary) "and I don't understand..."
Can you fill in the blank? I bet you can.
"..why you aren't married. You're smart, and pretty, and blah, blah...is it you or them?"
It's funny, because I'm an enigma to myself. I think everyone wonders about it, and assumes SOMEONE is the problem, cause either you're too picky, or the guy can't commit, but there has to be an answer. And people think if they ask you that you can put their mind at rest and they can finally say, "Oh, I see - she just has a severe psychological problem. That explains it."
Sadly, I have no answer for these people. But hey, maybe you know it, and in that case fill me in.
But let me say this for those of you who will come back with "You're too picky." Ask yourself this--what does that really mean? Is it better to not be picky and just get married? Judging by the 50% divorce rate, I have to say nay. Of course, judging by the people some of you have wanted to set me up with, I assume many of you will disagree and think I should be OK with a guy who has been in jail, doesn't like kids but (hurrah) IS the same age as me. It's ok, I'm open to your opinion.
At any rate, it's kind of fun to be an enigma. Like James Bond.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Enigma
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11 comments:
Oh I used to love when people asked me why I wasn't married. It took a lot of restraint not to respond with: Why are you so stupid?
Well KA, that should stop anyone from expressing their opinions, except me of course since I am her mother. My opinion is - I just like you as an enigma and I don't need to know why you are single. I know your nieces and nephews probably hope you never get married and have children for it might take something away from them.
You're great just being the "spin-ster" you are!
Even now that I am married, I still get the question of, "Why didn't you get married until your 30's?" I don't think I go around asking 19-year-olds why they got married at that age. Oh, wait, maybe I do. There isn't a great response, because there isn't a right reason. I wasn't looking for it and enjoying my life and the right person for me didn't come around until later. And I'm so grateful I waited. That was my reasoning. Just wait until you get married and you are asked when are you having a baby. It never ends.
Right before I left on my mission, a woman in my ward said to me, "Why are you going on a mission? You're so pretty." Totally cracked me up. People are stupid. Some of the neatest women I know are "spinsters".
it's them.
My favorite response to give to that question and I got it a lot, was "I don't know, I am hoping you could tell me :)..."
Well, shouldn't I get some credit for saying I used restraint??
And yes, the "when are you going to have another baby" question does replace the "why aren't you married" question. Also, my mother-in-law often gets the "when are you going on another mission" bit, so I mean, there you go.
People are crazy. More than once, I have wanted to ask people why they were stupid enough to get married at 19,20, or 21. I'll stop there because I will definitely offend someone if I keep going up from there (even though in my head I am going up several more years). Or better yet, why do you keep having kids when you can barely handle the ones you already have? I could go on and on and on. Some people just have no tact (including me at times). I say run with your enigma status!
One of my favorite responses to the question is from the movie Bridget Jones' Diary at a dinner party where she was the only single gal surrounded by couples: "I guess it doesn't help that under our clothes our bodies are covered with scales."
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