An unnamed friend was recently talking to me about her romantic woes.
She shared a story about a fella she dated over the last several months and what I wil loosely call his split personality.
There was about a decade of years between them, with her being on the high end of said difference. One of my favorite things that he told her was that they would have to move this relationship along quickly because she didn't have many years left to multiply and replenish the earth, so to speak. With miniature versions of himself no doubt. (Something I think the world may be better off without.)
She assured him that she had enough years behind her to have made her peace with the fact that a family could come in many ways, not all of them traditional. He then retorted that he didn't have quite so many years behind him and thus hadn't had the time to make his peace with it yet. Interesting.
This is just a little bite-sized sample of the bundle of sunshine and joy she was dealing with. It should help set the stage for what comes next.
Apparently this fella also was slightly (by slightly, I mean intensely) melodramatic and could go from "I love you" to I'm not speaking to you" faster and more times in a day than McCain can say "maverick" or "my friends" in a one hour debate.
She finally got fed up with it all and as she recounted their final "break up" chat she told me that she just kind of sat there and listened patiently. BUT...she had a dream. And here I quote,
"I wish I could have just done the same thing to him that I did to P--- when we broke up for the 5 trillionth time."
I was puzzled since I lost track of how they broke up after the 4 millionth time and I asked her what she did. (Understand as you read on that Mormons as a general rule are not a casually swearing bunch.)
She replied, " I just stood up, calmly walked away and said - Adios Mother F***er." (Sorry mom.)
I don't why--well, I guess I do--but this ticked my funny bone. A lot. I simply conjure in my mind the surprised face of any and all of her boyfriends as they register this parting, evenly measured shot and it brings me joy for the rest of the day.
Adios Mother F***er.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Adios.....MFer
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8 comments:
No comment. except- can I guess who this might be. The P___ might have given it away, or then again, maybe not.
You're a nut!
...and I mean that in the nicest possible way. : )
I'm a nut, or my friend is?
wow. classic story. i think i liked it better when you blogged about YOUR life. let's hear about what's happening with YOU.
You are part of my life, and thus this story is about me. See?
Anyway, aint nobody said this was your story until you pointed it out...
Really though--how could I not share this story. I still laugh every single day that I think of it.
That made me laugh out loud for 5 minutes straight. Whoever our mystery girl is (Wallace?) I am proud. All those years have just made you that much funnier. . . What a loser. Your retort was perfection.
I agree with Delsa, the P__ gave away the mystery, although, I already had an idea who the mystery friend was before the P_ boyfriend was mentioned. Ha, this is definitely a story that hits the funny bone!
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