Butterflies...No Thanks

I've heard married people speak longingly about how they miss the beginning of relationships and the fun of first dates and dating. That they wish they still got "butterflies in their collective stomachs." Let me tell you, I'm one butterfly away from running a butterfly conservatory in my stomach, and I'm sick of being sick about dating.

Was Adam Sandler going for drama when he called his movie 50 first dates? Cause he missed the mark. Try 5 million first dates if you want to create impact. I assume we're on the same page now and you've figured out where I'm going: Yes, I just got back from yet another first date. How did we meet? How do you think? YUh-huh, the setup.

This guy was a gentleman, he was nice, interesting, and pretty attractive. Granted, he was about 2 feet taller than me, and I reckon a relationship with him would lead to many similar incidents to the one I experienced at the airport with Fes when he walked right by and didn't see me, but still he was a good guy.

What's the problem? I have NO idea. The chemistry just wasn't there. I could pinpoint a lot of things I noticed about him that I was cleverly starting to subliminally identify and catalogue, like hmmm.. he seems to have a bit of a temper. Or, that last comment made him seem really inflexible, or I wonder how smart he really is or if he has an outie bellybutton? Which we all know is just flat out unacceptable. Anyway, I started to wonder if I wasn't giving him a fair chance. I don't think it's that simple. I think it's the old chicken and the egg conundrum: which came first the knowing or the judging?

Meaning this: did I start finding problems with him and begin to catlogue them because I didn't feel that magical spark, thus making me feel the need to give that truly unexplainable (and clearly not happening) phenomenon a "name" OR did I never get the spark because I was too busy looking for problems?

I mean no one is ever satisfied with the answer "It just wasn't there." Everyone wants to know, but WHY? So when you don't feel it, maybe it's a defense mechanism to just start trying to come up with reasons. So you can answer that impossible question. (But WHY? Well..because he has an outie bellybutton. See? Simple.) Or maybe by doing the "cataloguing", you never give the "spark" enough time to develop - putting all your eggs in the surface level attraction basket.

It's a problem I clearly have no hope of solving, I mean I've been on 5 million dates and I haven't figured it out... but I can proudly tell you this...I may not have made a love match, but I also did NOT run in to any doors, take any spills or accidentally remove my clothes in a public place, so all in all I am thrilled to consider it a successful night and a personal victory.