The Smart Choice?

Abram, I hope you were watching our special show this week, because I am most curious to get your thoughts. Now that you are addicted too. Don't deny it.

I would guess of all the people reading this blog about 30% of you watch the Bachelorette. Of those 30%, I would guess 10% would admit it. I am shamed (well not that shamed, I mean I'm blogging about it) to admit that I am completely absorbed by the program.

The Bachelor is enthralling like a car wreck is enthralling. It's a sick and horrible, sad mess that you can't stop craning your head backwards in traffic to try and see what happened. You know you shouldn't look - but you do. The bachelor is a train wreck because it is such a pathetic display of how horribly insecure girls act when thrown together in one house to openly compete for the same guy.

The Bachelorette is actually less of the "oh no, no, please don't let her try to impress him by making herself a human pretzel..oh, wait, she's doing it, I can't watch...and yet how can I not?" kind of drama. No. The Bachelorette follows the natural order of things. 20ish guys compete for a girl, and that's the environment they actually prefer and even dare I say, thrive in. It's the hunt and the kill. And so, at the end of the Bachelorette, there is a much stronger shot that it will actually work out and end in marriage because the guy likes winning the prize, and the girl can choose wisely. Exhibit A: Trista and Ryan.

The reason the Bachelorette can succeed and the Bachelor is doomed to failure, is that the guy just goes for the hottest girl in the moment. I mean after 6 weeks let's be honest, they're not really thinking marriage. These guys aren't Mormon, and they do have access after all to the (gag) "fantasy suite" if you catch my drift. (who came up with the name the fantasy suite by the way? I mean kill me and try to stop me from rolling on the ground laughing if ANYONE ever invites me to a fantasy suite! Can you imagine your lover, husband, whatever saying to you, "Would you like to leave your room and join me in the fantasy suite?" Seriously?) A girl on the other hand, fantasy suite or not, is ALWAYS thinking, hmmm, do you think he would be a good father to my unborn children? And so she makes the long-term choice.

So that's the set up. And it leads in to what has become the question of the week. Do you choose a guy that is completely committed and head over heels for you even if you're not quite feeling the same, OR do you choose the guy that you are completely smitten over, but you know could dump you in the end because you're not so sure where he stands?

This question has come up this week on TV, on a book cover I was browsing, in a conversation with Wallace yesterday, and finally with complete visual clarity, tonight on the Bachelorette. It must be addressed.

For those who don't watch: The bachelorette, Deanna, is smitten--I mean over the top , head over heels for this guy named Graham. She lets him get away with murder, she gets all gooshy-eyed and shmoopy, he never does anything to try to win her and yet she can hardly stop touching him. And Graham, my friends, is the only guy who won't open up and really show her he likes her, he's committed, and he could marry her. He's never had a relationship longer than 4 weeks and he's 29. For crying out loud, even Ellen Degeneres warned Deanna to run not walk from this guy.

So here's the guy that she is clearly passionate about, but he's a risk. A big risk. At the end of tonight's show she had to choose which one of the 4 was going. I was SURE she would keep Graham and knew it would be a huge mistake. It had heartbreak written all over it. (And just for some background- the other 3 bachelors--good, good guys that are just 100% right on paper. Good looking, smart, committed, athletic, great family connections. But not so many goosebumps.)

She let Graham go. When she walked him out to the car, she told him it was breaking her heart because she was falling in love with him over all the other guys and yet she couldn't bear to be hurt again (like when she was on the Bachelor and got dumped on the last show) and since he wouldn't show his hand she had to let him go. When he walked away he left her a card he had written, that I am sure finally told her how he felt. Her comment? (in essence) I'm dying to think I am letting the one guy I love walk away because I am over thinking it and making the safe, smart decision.

And yet, I thought all the other guys were great. I think she can choose any of the 3 and have a happy life and get the marriage commitment she seems to be dying for. We all know women more than men can fall in love down the road. It doesn't have to be that first physical attraction. If marriage is the goal, she made the right choice. She will get what she wants. But what if Graham would have come around and not broken her heart in the end? Did she give up the real and natural connection just for fear of risk?

I'm not expert (obviously). I've never made either choice, but I think it's an interesting question, and I have a feeling many of you married ladies out there reading this have made a decision that might have been more heart or more head. I'm curious, now that you've made it how you weigh in. Did Deanna make the right choice? Would you tell a friend to marry the guy who loves her more, or the guy she loves more?

Go.