The Friendly Skies

As I boarded the first leg of my flights tonight and got settled I suddenly heard an abrasive woman’s voice coming loud and clear over the PA system. It was a little puddle jumper flight that was tiny and crowded and about half the passengers had sat down and half were still trying to make their way up the aisle and to their seats.

The woman said, “Hey. You all need to hurry and get to your seats and sit down. We don’t have the slightest chance of making an on time departure if you don’t get moving.”

You could see fear and embarrassment in the passenger’s faces as they tried to hurry and get to their seats so they wouldn’t be held responsible for actually DELAYING a flight when the airlines work so hard to be punctual.

The woman wasn’t quite done. She continued, “Look at all of you. I can’t believe how many bags everyone has. You’re only allowed one on here or the flight will be too heavy. I don’t know WHY they didn’t tell you to check one piece or at least consolidate them. Most of the bags need to go under the plane to balance it or this flight will be way to heavy to fly.”

I look over at the woman sitting next to me and her face is white with terror.

Nazi-stewardess continues, “This would never happen in Minneapolis. Only in Madison. And look, I’m not going to make you put them back now, but don’t you DARE tell anyone that the stewardess on THIS flight let you take more than one. Got it? I just hope the flight goes smoothly.”

The woman next to me says timidly, “I could have consolidated, no one told me. I’m really not a good flyer, do you think we’re going to crash?”

Ahhh, yes. Nothing like the friendly skies.

Of course being such a good flyer myself, I was able to comfort her with, “Don’t worry, I saw on CNN that the turbulence is really bad today and that a flight had to make an emergency landing, but I think that’s good news, because it means in really bad turbulence they can actually land safely.” I don’t think that had anything to do with her consolidating her bags moments later.