SIr Mix-a-lot Revealed

I really love my life. I do - I'm blessed.

This thought just struck me as I was sitting with some friends (and Travis) in a restaurant after the game. People. I have the best jobs in the world, I'm surrounded by great friends and family, and there is laughter to be had at every turn..even by, or maybe largely through, the mouth of strangers.

I'll start with my job-love right now. I just finished filming one of the Flash games when I had the thought, "how stinking lucky am I??" I love basketball and what do I do? You may have guessed, but it was sort of rhetorical. I get paid to watch games, interview players and coaches and meet really interesting people. That's freaking awesome.

Two highlights from this sweet job. One good, one not so good, but yes, still funny.

First, I filmed another interview with Fez, our Ukranian friend. Always entertaining. One of the highlights from today's conversation:

Reporter: You just came back from the Dakotas, how was it?
Fez: I hate it. It is horrible, cold place. I cannot even talk to Ukraine.
Reporter: Why?
Fez: There is no service there. They have nothing. People say America have everything, these Dakotas do not. I love Salt Lake.

There you have it. Utah may not seem great to some of you readers, but it's all perspective. Compare it to the alternatives and you may love Salt Lake too.

Second. I'm getting slightly stalked by the Anaheim team's coach. Here is our conversation when I was cornered after the game:

Coach: Hi. I gave you my card, why didn't you call?
Me: I was just planning to interview you when I saw you - wasn't sure it required a call.
Coach: I thought you would call.
Me: Ummm..sorry?
Coach: Next time I'm here maybe you can show me around.
Me: (high pitched laughter) Oh...there's nothing to see here! (edging away)
Coach: You can take me to all the bars.
Me: (all of them?? High pitched laugh again) Oh...there's no bars in Provo! (moving a little further backwards)
Coach: Then I'll show you next time you're in Anaheim.
Me: Okey dokey...(running away)..bye!
Coach: Hey....call me!

I mean, he gets an A+ for persistence. I'm not good in those situations. Maybe you already picked up on this from my clever dialogue. The best part was when I told Travis he was ancient and he replied, "Yeah, he's what, a couple years older than you?" Thanks.

So that's the job-joy. Strange stalkers aside, or maybe even included - it's fun!

On to the laughs with strangers. After the game, Brian H, Travis, Wallace and I went to eat. We had a waitress that was VERY angry. And with good cause - she's a teacher. Which in Utah means she also has to work at a restaurant to make ends meet. That would make me angry too.

Anyway, she was a bit hostile, but about halfway through the meal she made this huge about-face. All of a sudden (and after we warmed her up a bit) she became the chat-master. She would just stand at our table reciting a monologue with no worry if anyone was really listening or contributing. I know this because Travis and Wallace were texting us about her new chattiness throughout.

There were a couple funny excerpts from her monologue that simply cannot be ignored.

#1:
She's a hard worker. Really hard. Travis told her she seemed pretty lazy to him because he bet she probably rested from 11:30 - 12 at night before she started working again. She kept talking as if that interruption was barely noticed and so Brian said,
"I bet you never hoed (sp?) a field. Why don't you hoe a field?"

He didn't think she was listening, but lo and behold she paused briefly in her theories on UFOs to say, "Oh yeah, I hoed a field last summer. Anyway, my dad really isn't in to conspiracy theories like UFOs, but I know the Clintons were having people killed."

I'll let you pick the part of that response that most intrigues you. I simply can't begin to decide.

#2:
This is perhaps the craziest thing I have ever, ever heard said by a perfect stranger in all seriousness.

She was telling us about how she knew the words to Sir Mix-a-lot, but they were a little dirty. I said, "come on sing it...I like big..." No hesitation. She jumps in and goes through a full verse. Yes, this is funny, but it gets....I don't know...funnier? I'm not even sure if this is appropriate for a blog, but I guess if I can talk about my breasts, why stop now? She begins to tell us about the video.

She said that she thought it was really weird that the whole thing was filmed with Sir Mix-a-lot standing on someone's butt. I didn't know that. Not sure I needed to. She said she learned, and I quote, "Sir mix-a-lot was sitting on someone's butt-crack (I'm sorry, it's her words, not mine) but then he had to change it up. Do you know why? (Here's the kicker) Because it made him look like a turd."

I'm sorry!! I can't believe it either. It's sick and wrong totally INSANE, but I just report the facts. I have never laughed so hard as I did after the 4 of us looked at each other in shocked disbelief--just waiting to hear what was coming after she said "He couldn't sit on her butt-crack". I mean what could possibly come after that..that might even be worse?? And then, there it was. I can't even imagine where she got that information, let alone why she would share it.

I tell you my friends---people are strange - bless their hearts - but I sure am glad they are cause they make life a heck of a lot more interesting. We should really pay teachers more, can I get an amen?