The Art of Dating

Dating lately has felt a bit like I'm in a wierd-o parallel universe. I'm back in Provo where I dated as just a girl, fresh and new to whole experience. Since I've been here things have turned upside down. I recently had a guy ding-dong ditch cookies on my doorstep. First of all, that's the girl's domain in Provo. I remember guys with plates of goodies on their kitchen tables, all lovingly hand-delivered by hopeful young ladies. I've been informed that the guy who did this for me, "must be gay." Stands to reason. (Second of all - does it strike anyone else as odd that a 30-something year old man has to ding-dong ditch???)

I have been mistaken several times for a divorcee. Men cannot grasp that I can be at this ripe old age and not have children and papers. A couple have just assumed this fact upon meeting, and asked how many children I have. Dating at this age is all about show me pics of your kids and I'll show you mine. I've started carrying pictures of Travis and Garrett just to have something to show. It's odd to me that the normal assumption these days on the dating market is that you are divorced. It's a strange, new Provo.

After a couple of particularly unfortunate dates, I was telling my co-workers, Brian and Micah, that I had forgotten (while living in the dating desert of Michigan) how much I actually disliked the ritual.

Here's the thing. You have about a 1 in 10 chance of actually liking your date and wanting to see them again. That's 10% people!!! If someone told me that 1 out of every ten times I participated in water ballet that I would be glad I was doing it, but 9 of those times I would hate it, I would say, you know what? no thanks. I guess I'll try basketball or knitting - an activity where the odds of enjoyment are greater. I'm not a betting woman, but I understand playing the odds.

Brian and Micah helped me come up with a solution. After this many years of dating (I mean, you put in some serious investigative time before you reach the title of spinster) I have a pretty good idea of who I am and what I like. I know the kind of person I click with and I know who makes me crazy. I'm also a great question-asker. I learn a lot about people in a short amount of time.

So here's the plan. (Thank you Brian and Micah.) I really only need 15-20 minutes on a date. At dinner, I simply ask my usually hard-hitting reporter-woman questions and decide if we connect. If we don't, I save us both some time and trouble, by informing the waitress that my meal will actually be to-go, leave enough to cover my meal and thank my date for their time and trouble. It's a win-win. Look, I'm not a mercenary. I'm helping men to save their time and money too.

Lest you think I am an evil man-hater, I'm not. This was after all, not my idea, but the idea of two MEN. It's really just one on one speed dating, with the option of dinner thrown in if things go well. I'm also not a "trophy-husband hunter" as I was recently dubbed by someone I met one time and don't think highly of. I have given guys that normally would never be my type a chance, and tried to make it work. I've even been dumped by a couple of them. Which really kills you by the way... to be dumped by someone you were just trying to convince yourself to like. Anyway,whatever. I'm open. I'm just trying to make dating better for everyone.

My next flash of dating brilliance will involve kissing when you open the door and meet for the first time. It gives new meaning to "you had me at hello" and you figure out if the attraction is there before the date, potentially saving even more time and trouble. I got this idea from Travis and it seems to be working out really well for him.